• 5:56 AM, Friday, November 9, 2007
Sometime it is just not worthy
Today, something serious happened which cause my mood to go down a lot. I don't feel like saying anything about other stuff. Well, something happened in my family which really makes me feel Love is just not worthy.After i reached home today from KBox Session before I even stepped into my house, My Mother confronted me saying that did i lied to my Father that I didn't paid up my $70 for Gradnite and asked for money. I was like "HUH??? I NVR TOLD HIM THAT!" My mother went on to question my Father and we both knew that My Father heard wrong. Yes, I did asked money from my Father, but it was only for small expenses for Gradnite, i only needed $20-30 and I had already told that man that i paid up my $70 like 2 times in a round. My Father who had bloody bad memory remembered wrongly, he came back with $70 and complained to My Mother abt it. When My mother told him she had paid for me, That man Called me Big Fat Liar and dishonest kid. When I came back and clear things up. It didn't stopped there, it became a bigger issue. They wanted to settled their old scores.
My Mum felt very angry for being blamed that she didn't take care of my needs by My Father who in the first place was wrong. But in order to protect his MANLY pride, he denied that he was wrong and started scolding Vulgar language at My Mum. Of Course, My Mother could never that it down, to her, it was like the last straw since That man had always being a pain in the butt. They start scolding each other like playing ping ping ball, NEVER THAT IT DOWN. I tried my best, I told them both to say a word or less, esp to My Mum. I know that she is under a alot of pressure and now This will only made her want to explode more. My Dad told me to get out of the way and mind my business, I was like" If you can mind your own business, I will never get my hands into it." My Dad was like" I AM GOING TO DIE SOON, I HAVE LUNG CANCER(probably)" My Mum was threatening to jump off the 18th floor( she is not kidding, she tried to do that while i was 10 years old and almost right infront of me). It stopped for awhile, while my Dad was off to Shower. I quickly sat down and talked things over with My Crying Mother. To Me, that man is unreasonable+He is always drunk thus talking logic to him is equal to talking a Wall. He rather protect his pride and his interest rather than His own Flesh and Blood, this is something that over the years I had knew.So, i was never looking up to him to protect me as He won't. I told My Mother dun waste ya saliva talking and fighting with a man like this, it juz made you more miserable. If He want to fight or scold just let him cos when he said enough he will juz keep his bloody mouth shut, you scold back it will just made more chances for him to get back at you.
The Stopping wasn't for long. It juz went intense later. My Mother went to sleep and My Dad came to talk to her. Nothing good came out of that Man's mouth. He told My Mum that If she wanted a Divorce, He could made that arrangement anytime. He was saying that He doesn't need the flat, He can give Me to My Mother Just leave him to die will be fine. My Mother was more enraged, She went to took the Keys was about to leave home When My Father grabbed my mother and slam the door telling My Mother to stop playing tricks and Threaten to punch her. I can never forget the look he had on his face, that same detestable look he had on when he beat me up during my childhood years. My Mother scolded back at him and said If he wanted to leave leave now. My Father got angry and slapped My Mum Twice in her face and infront of Me. To Me, it destroy the image of a father in my mind. NO MATTER HOW ANGRY OR HOW UNHAPPY, WHAT GIVE YOU THE BLOODY RIGHT TO HIT YOUR WIFE. I hate it, i felt like something in me just die.
After a whole round of fighting, My Mum cried in My arms while I hugged her. It breaks my heart to see her cry but It kills to see your own parents dispute infront of you. Although deep in side, I know that my Father had been Good to us in sometimes, it is fact that i would not denied. But The pain he cost to me and my Mother was enough to say that ALL HIS GOOD CAN'T REPAID. That is why since i was able to make a statement at home, I say it to him, If you went to die so much, repaid me back the money that you took from me and you can go and die, I will not care. I seriously meant what i said. I had completely gave up the thinking that he will be able to be a gd father anymore even if he could turn back times. But i knew he will not do that, to him He have his own right reason and It is right NOBODY CAN DISPUTE OVER IT.
Lately, someone asked me well I didn't had a boyfriend up to now. I couldn't reply it properly then. But now i can, This is because Love is sometimes not worthy to make yourself suffer over it, No Matter how much i loved a person in my life later, I WILL NEVER NEVER MADE MYSELF SUFFER OVER IT. My Mum did and looked at what she get. A useless husband who is always drunk and a bunch of bills to pay each month, She Married to him out of Love and lost her chance to go to Japan.Funny, I rather be single all my life.
